I thought this was supposed to get easier.

I cannot even begin to describe how much I miss Lillian during the day. It has been even harder than when I first went back to work. I think it is because she is interacting so much now and I don't want to miss ANYTHING!!! She is my world. She is my heart. She is a piece of me that is detached and away from me a good portion of the day. I sleep for 8 hours, work for 9 hours and spend about 3 to 4 hours with Lillian. That is so out of whack. At the same time I want so much for lily. I want her to grow up in this house and that would not be possible if we didnt have two incomes. I physically hurt because I miss my child so much.

Lillian,
You are my everything. You and daddy are the very best things that have ever happened to me. I count my blessing every night and you my love are at the top. You are the perfect combination of daddy and I. You are perfect and God made you so beautiful. I pray for you everyday. I am so blessed God made ME YOUR mommmy. I'm a lucky gal.

Love you to the moon and back angel

Mommy

Lillian's birth story...from what I can remember

On Friday May 13th I had an appointment with Dr. Lattimore to check on Lily and see if we were for sure going to induce on the 16th at 37 weeks due to IUGR.  Dr.L sent me to the high risk office for an amnio to check lung maturity.  During the amnio they discovered Lily had already pooped in there.  They decided to send me straight to the hospital for induction instead of waiting until Monday because they were afraid she was under distress which was kind of obvious since she was concidered IUGR.  It was only my luck but that day there was something wrong with the Verizon phones in our area and I could not make calls to let anyone know.  The only way I could communicate was via Blackberry Messanger.  Thankfully my best friend had bbm  so I was able to message her, she messaged my mom who met me at the hospital and Jake who finished up at work and FLEW to the hospital.  Crazy day!

After lunch at 3pm they started cervadil and removed it at 3am the next morning! Started pitocin at 3am.  It was a long, tough road but by 2pm I had had enough and NEEDED an epidural!  I still had not dialated past a 2 by 7 and they decided it would be best to do a c-section I just wasnt dialating! It became a bit of an emergency when I spiked a fever and Lillian and my heart beats were way high.  When they called it I FREAKED out.  I tried to escape that bed even though I could not feel my legs.  I was a mess!

They moment Lillian Elizabeth entered the world was the most amazing moment of my whole life.  She was my daughter that I had fought so hard to keep safe and prayed non stop.  She was here!  I cried like a baby!

She is the most amazing thing and I am so blessed to be her mama!

here are a few pictures from Lillian's birth.

Daddy getting ready for Lily's debut

She is here

mommy and baby

Hunter (Godson) loving on Lillian

photo dump

my mom and lily

Lillian and her fishy

so serious

Scarlett kisses

I love you even when you're sad

my world on one couch

Lillian has an eco friendly idea...

she is demanding her diapers be disposed of in paper bags not plastic.

she looks so scared

Papa and Lily

sweetest face ever. 

whats up ma and pops?!?!this video is super boring until the last little bit

Fishies.

Lillian LOVES fishies. I really makes my heart smile. She smiles and "talks" to her "wishies" as they go across her ceiling! And today Jake, Kristen and I kept asking her if she wanted to take a bath and she smiled so big everytime we asked! So precious! I'll post more this evening with pictures of my growing babe!

My dreams for Lillian!

I think I'm pretty typical when I say I want her to be happy! I want a healthy happy babe! But I don't just want her to be happy I want her to make others happy (not in a people pleaser kind of way). I want her to brighten everyone's day that gets to be around her. I want her to care about people and their feelings. I don't want her to get caught up in the typical girl drama. I want her to care about people feelings. I want her to say please and thank you. I want her to use her brilliance to exceed. I want her to surround herself with good wholesome Godly people. I want her to know Jesus. Not just know about him. But KNOW him! I want and dream of so much for my daughter but most importantly I want her to love. I think everything else follows when you have love in your heart. I want her to love those who are less fortunate and do all she can to help them. I want her to love the ones who are very fortunate and never feel like she is less than because she doesn't have what they have and never feel envious. I want her to love animals and nature and take in all the small things in life. But most importantly i want her to love herself. I want her to take pride in everything she does. And stand for her beliefs! I don't want her to ever let a boy break her heart.

There is so much I want for my angel. I wanted her so bad for so long. And she is perfect. Daddy and I love you punkin!

Let me just say I love me some summertime. I am so blessed for Lillian to be a summer baby! She gets to wear the most adorable clothes. No socks to cover up her precious feet and sitting outside while daddy works! I'm sad to see fall coming but then again I do love me some autumn scents and burnt orange. Lillian is 11 weeks old now! Craziness! She is such a good baby. We are blessed beyond words. She has started smiling and "cooing" more and it is the most heavenly sound!! I just hope she knows what she means to me. She brightens each day and makes the extra tire around my stomach worth it! I love you sweet angel!!